Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
