In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
