Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
