I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize