thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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