I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
