you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
