If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
