you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
