i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
