When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
