My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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