I molested 6 butterflies tonight
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
