Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
