im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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