glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just blew my weed a kiss
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
