I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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