I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
