what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
