So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
