I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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