my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
