Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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