just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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