If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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