So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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