that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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