you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
