Pants 0. Shit 1.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
