Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
