do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize