I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
