i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
