Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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