Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
