I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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