Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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