If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize