This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
