Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
