There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
