Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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