So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
