matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Randomize
