My hand turned me down
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize