Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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