If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
