Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
