dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
