Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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