DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
