i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Say something about gay babies.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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