I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
