Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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