What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
