I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
