I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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