Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
