it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
vagina is talking i cant
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
