You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
40s are totally the cure
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
