Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
