I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
