I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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