If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
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