I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
