My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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