I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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