am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
