yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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