drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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