it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
