This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
