They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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