Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Randomize
