I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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