Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
