; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
