Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
