I wish I only lived at night.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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