***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
it wasn't lemon gatorade
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
this will be a night to untag.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
