and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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