These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
