The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
