god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
