Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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