I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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