Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
