He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
