I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
