She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
