dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
