Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
