The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
