Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
