What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
