Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
