his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
