Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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