someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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