remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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