Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Randomize
