if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
